


Lean On Me

by wisteria_hime



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Cute, Domestic Boyfriends, Established Relationship, Friendship/Love, Grocery Shopping, Hurt/Comfort, Insecurity, Loneliness, Lunch date, M/M, Melancholy, Overthinking, Pro Volleyball Player Bokuto Koutarou, Romantic Fluff, Sad, Self-Doubt, Stress, Studying, Time Skips, University Student Akaashi Keiji, University Student Bokuto Koutarou, Volleyball, Volleyball Dorks in Love, supportive boyfriends, sweethearts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-12
Updated: 2019-10-19
Packaged: 2020-12-09 17:13:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 8,604
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20998427
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wisteria_hime/pseuds/wisteria_hime
Summary: When you wanna be alone but you’re really lonelyWhen you don’t even have energy to smileWhen you have so much to doAnd it builds up and doesn’t go away☆*。*.・You can lean on meWith you you, wheneverYou can lean on me and rest my dearWith you you, I understand- A story depicting the loneliness and melancholy of feeling like there’s no one to talk to about your feelings, or that there's nothing to make a long day feel worth it at the end. But, there is always someone there who you can lean on, even if you don't know it. Remember that shared pain is half the pain, and shared joy is double the joy.





	1. Bokuto's Story

**Author's Note:**

> Hi everyone ^_^ so, this is my first fic for the HQ!! fandom ★ yay! I mean, it's a little angsty...but there's a happy ending here, I promise :) this story comes from my own personal experiences, so I hope you don't mind me sharing it with you. Loneliness is something we feel more and more as we grow up, and especially for me, once I got into university. Coupled with academic expectations you should be meeting alongside trying to keep a social life can be really hard and stressful. That's partly why I chose to frame this around education, since many of us can relate to that, but loneliness in a general sense can be applied here as well. 
> 
> And I chose to give this story to Bokuto and Akaashi because in HQ!! they both face their own internal struggles, and when nobody else knows what to say to them, the other is always there for them to lean on. I ship BokuAka the most out of all my ships in HQ!! so this fic is also like my gift to them ♥
> 
> The music inspiration for this piece is Soyou & Kwon Jeong Yeol's song – Lean On Me. If you have time, I really recommend you listen to it (and watch the MV if you can with subtitles!) as a lot of the lyrics are included in this fic, and overall it's a very comforting song to hear :)

Bokuto stared unblinkingly at his laptop screen, eyes wide and staring at the marking rubric of his most recently completed assignment – which had been returned to him just now. He noted two sections of the rubric were circled under the ‘fail column’, and despite the other three sections being circled under ‘pass’, he knew it was pointless. The assignment had required all five sections to achieve at least a ‘pass’ to be able to pass the assignment as a whole. So, even though his final score was 25/50 – a pass in regular terms, it meant nothing because he hadn’t achieved the bare minimum for every section in the marking rubric.

Heaving a deep sigh, Bokuto leaned back in his desk chair and rubbed his face. He was in his university unit, alone, because he didn’t like to check his assignment results in front of other people if he could help it. His lecturer had attached an email requesting Bokuto to contact him for a one-on-one consult so they could go through the assignment and where he had gone wrong. It was already after dark, so he pushed back replying to him until the morning.

Didn’t his lecturers care, though? How could they just drop something so heavy on him, and appear so unaffected in the same day? He had had classes earlier today with this lecturer, and he surely would have known at that point that Bokuto had failed. Why didn’t he say anything? Why didn’t he talk to Bokuto privately at that time? Instead, all he got was a black and white email, and a feeling of total inadequacy.

This could change his whole future, and Bokuto felt so hopeless and lost. But his lecturers are people too. They will go home all the same at the end of the day, because they have their own lives to live. They do their job, and that means failing people sometimes. Do they ever get used to tearing down someone’s future plans? What about the looks on students' faces when they say those dreaded words? 

This is why Bokuto had never really wanted to go down this road of further education if he could’ve helped it. Conforming to the system was never his strong point, and university offered little alternatives for him. The bottom line was clear, though: if he fails a subject, he will lose his scholarship and will be off the team. He’d only failed one assignment so far, but it was enough to shake his confidence. 

He had so many numbers on his phone, but he was unable to dial a single one up. Bokuto liked being seen by other people as a positive energy, because everyone needed more positivity in their lives. Being the friend people could come to when they were feeling down was important to him, their happiness was important to him. He was blessed with all these wonderful people in his life, and he never wanted them to have to deal with his problems. Most of them knew about his propensity for getting ‘dejected’, but few of them knew how deep it could sometimes go. 

Then, there was Akaashi. His gorgeous, amazing, out-of-this-world boyfriend, Akaashi. He was _so_ wonderful, equally diligent in spending time with Bokuto as he was with his studying. Naturally, he was the person Bokuto wanted to see the most. All the time. Akaashi just always seemed to know what needed, whether it was in terms of motivation or comfort, and gave whatever he could to Bokuto and never seemed to run out of attention, time, or love for him. Really, Akaashi was just as beautiful on the inside as he was on the outside.

But he knew Akaashi was handling a very heavy schedule lately. He had a larger workload than Bokuto, as he was attending university to acquire an actual degree rather than on a sports scholarship. And he was in his first year, but he was doing so well dealing with the adjustment from high school to university. Even though this was Bokuto’s second year, he still couldn’t get used to it. Bokuto didn’t want to burden him any more than he already did. He was older than Akaashi, and he was supposed to be the reliable one between them.

_Am I the only one? _

_Is everyone else doing alright? _

It could feel like that sometimes, even though it wasn’t necessarily true. That everyone else was doing just fine handling everything on their plate and they didn’t struggle in the same ways Bokuto struggled. It was embarrassing for him to say out loud that he found a part of the content hard, when everyone else was saying to each other how it was actually pretty simple once you broke it down. So, he ended up not saying anything at all. He kept his grades to himself, never having achieved one he was proud to boast about. 

When people ask you how you did on an assignment, they don’t really expect to hear, “I failed it.” It’s humiliating to say, and awkward to hear. Bokuto avoids those questions as best he can, giving vague answers if he is asked directly, like he hasn’t had a chance to check his grade yet or his internet has been down, so he hasn’t had access to his grades and he's gonna get that fixed up real soon. Do they even ask because they care? Or do they just want to compare their results with his, to see how good they are? 

Tired of thinking so much, Bokuto crawls into his bed and hopes that sleep will come soon. It doesn’t, though, he tosses and turns. Even though he’s so tired, it’s just impossible to drift off to sleep.

*

The next day, he didn’t have any classes and arranged a meeting with his lecturer. Together, they sat in his small, box-sized office and Bokuto couldn’t get a whiff of fresh air once he was in there. Going through his assignment’s flaws was embarrassing, but had to be done, and he’d scribbled down notes to his paper as best he could. His lecturer would get back to him on a re-submission date – and reminded Bokuto (he didn’t need the reminder, he knew already) that if he failed his re-submission, he was looking at a fail of the subject as a whole. That one-hour session had drained him of all motivation to even make a start on his re-submission today.

Then, he had volleyball practice in the afternoon, and he’d been in a low mood from the start. After Bokuto had made his first mistake, more mistakes just kept piling on top of it. He’d only been in for an hour before he was subbed out, instructed to observe from the sidelines and come back to join training if he felt his spirits lift. Bokuto briefly considered going back out there, but his mind was being swarmed with the worst scenarios that could happen if he failed this assignment a second time.

If he lost his volleyball scholarship, then it would be game over for him. What would he do with himself if he didn’t have volleyball? What could he do? He’d probably end up getting a part-time job at a convenience store or café, that was about all he was qualified for. It wasn’t like his final grades from high school were anything special, and he probably wouldn’t have been accepted into university in the first place if not for his volleyball skills.

_It’s not fair,_ he thought, clenching his fists tightly. Why does his right to play volleyball have to depend on his studies? Why did he have to be so stupid, that he couldn’t even keep up with the bare minimum?

“Bokuto-san, are you in here?”

He sat up straight (when had he hunched over his knees anyway?) and sprung to his feet upon hearing Akaashi’s familiar, lilting voice calling out for him. Then, a moment later, he appears in the middle of the doorway to the locker room.

“A-Akaashi, what’re you doing in here?” he asks, his voice softer than he’d meant for it to be, but his energy was definitely at its lowest level.

“I was waiting for you outside, but when you didn’t come out, I asked one of your teammates and they said they thought you were still in here. They let me in and said you are to lock up once you are done,” Akaashi explained, crossing the distance between them slowly but surely, and Bokuto nodded, but didn’t offer a verbal response. He’d forgotten all about Akaashi waiting for him because of his mood, he was a terrible boyfriend. Why was Akaashi so patient with him? Why did Akaashi stay with him when Bokuto would disappoint him so much?

“Bokuto-san,” he doesn’t raise his head at Akaashi’s voice, but he does when he feels warm hands rest gently on his cheeks. 

“Are you okay?”

Akaashi’s quiet, simple words make his lips quiver and his eyes well up with tears. He sucks in a sob, then rapidly shakes his head and shuts his eyes tightly. His tears spill over Akaashi’s fingers, and his nose is running too. 

His hands fall from Bokuto’s face, and instead move to entangle with Bokuto’s at his sides, “Let’s sit down,” he says, and when he turns to start walking Bokuto follows behind him without a word. Their hands stay linked together as they lock up the gym and make their way over to sit down on some steps.

“Tell me what’s going through your mind, love,” Akaashi asks him so caringly, placing a hand on his knee and it almost makes Bokuto start sobbing.

So, he just starts blurting out everything that’s been happening lately. His increasing workload, the difficulty of his assignments (and his recently failed one), as well as how unsupported he feels by his lecturers and peers.

“It hurts, ‘kaashi. Sometimes, it feels like I don’t even have the energy to smile. I get so tired; some days feel so long. And then, I’m tossing and turning all night,” Bokuto droops, rubbing at his red eyes even though they sting, “Is it just me? Is-is there somethin’ wrong with me?”

“Everyone experiences these feelings at some point, Bokuto-san. You are not alone, and you are not wrong for feeling them,” reassuring him softly, Akaashi rubs circles on his back, silently encouraging him to calm down, “You’re always trying your absolute best, no matter what anyone says. I believe you when you say that, and I see your efforts every day. How hard you work, submitting your assignments to the university’s online study feedback services and following their advice to make your work even better.”

Bokuto sniffs, his heart lightening at the thoughtful words, and Akaashi continues, “Your lecturers would never wish for you to fail. It reflects worse on them, because they are the ones who have failed to teach you properly,” he pauses here, turning something over in his mind before he speaks up again, “I acknowledge, though, that some may be numb to the feelings of their students. Sometimes, they don’t consider how our lives will continue outside of study if we fail on something, how it disrupts our plans and how deeply it impacts on us. It has far-reaching consequences.”

“However, do not forget that you can lean on me,” Akaashi says, nothing but warmth in his voice, “please, remember that. Whenever it’s too hard, lean on me. I don’t want you to feel this way on your own, so let’s share the burden with each other.”

“I wanted to talk to you, but I didn’t wanna distract you with my problems when I know you have them too. You work so hard, ‘kaashi, so I wanted to work through it on my own to give you a break.”

“Please don’t think that’s true, because it’s not. You’re becoming stronger and more independent, and that is good, but it doesn’t mean you have to stop relying on me for things like this” stroking a hand through his hair, Akaashi’s words are as soft as his touch, “Keep doing your best, and never give up. I believe in you, Koutarou.”

Bokuto never thought that just a few words could put his heart at this much ease. It didn’t feel like he was being crushed under the weight of his loneliness anymore, it felt like he could bear it if Akaashi stood under it with him. Tired from all the talking and crying, he leans his head on Akaashi’s shoulder, the scent of his boyfriend’s detergent strangely comforting at a time like this.

“Are you still free on Wednesday?” Akaashi asks, still stroking his hair and the sudden change in topic catches Bokuto off guard.

Nonetheless, he nods, albeit a little confusedly, “Yeah. Sure.”

“Let’s go for a walk in the park, and then buy some lunch. The weather looks like it will be very good on Wednesday, so I was thinking we could spend the day together.”

“R-Really!?” he keeps his head on Akaashi’s shoulder, but turns his face up to look at him hopefully, “But, wait, don’t you have your studying to do? I don’t wanna distract you, ‘kaashi, you gotta put yourself first before me!”

Akaashi, however, is quick to dispel his worries, “I am doing fine. My classes will be over by 10am, and after that I want to have a break. Spending time with you is my favourite way to take a break.”

“Alright. Yeah, that-that would be really great,” Bokuto admits, feeling warm as he nuzzles back into Akaashi’s shoulder tiredly.

A sweet kiss is dropped on top of his head, “It’s a date, then.”

*

They agree to set the date at 11am, which would give Akaashi enough time after his class finished at 10 to return back to his unit, drop off his textbooks, and commute to the city to meet up with Bokuto. Once meeting up at the train station, they take a 15-minute walk until they reach the park they had wanted to visit.

On their way out of the train station, Bokuto greets him with a smile, “Hey, Akaashi! How was your class?”

“It was alright. Thank you for asking, Bokuto-san. We had a tutorial session for the next assignment we have coming up. Using the research databases can be difficult, but I think I will eventually get the hang of it,” Akaashi said, and his eyes did look a little strained at the mention of it.

“Of course, you will! You have a great memory, ‘kaash. It’ll become like second nature to you before you know it!” Bokuto immediately praised him, because Akaashi was honestly very smart and could do anything if he persevered with it – unlike Bokuto, who had loads of talent in volleyball and uneven amounts for everything else.

“I hope so,” Akaashi sighs, but sends him a thankful, small smile. It already makes his day brighter seeing that, and knowing he was the one to make it happen. Making Akaashi smile was the best! It always made Bokuto feel like he won at something, though he wasn’t sure what.

As they got nearer to the park, Akaashi asked him, “Are you excited for training tomorrow?”

“Yeah, kinda,” Bokuto mumbles, his volume lowering to match his eagerness for the topic.

Naturally, Akaashi is sharp as ever and picks up on this, “That wasn’t as enthusiastic as I expected. What is it?”

“Well, it’s just…” he hesitates for a few seconds, glances at Akaashi who has nothing but patience in his face and decides to just say it and get it out, “I feel kinda guilty going to practice…when I failed an assignment. Like I should spend all my free time studying until I can get my grades up.”

“Playing volleyball isn’t something you do as an extra-curricular, Bokuto-san. You are attending university on a volleyball specific scholarship, so it naturally makes sense that you would be more devoted and do better in that area compared to your studies,” Akaashi tells him, supportive and quick to defend Bokuto as always (even against Bokuto himself).

Bokuto has more to say, though, and he can’t be so easily convinced this time, “But, that’s the thing, ‘kaashi. This is my sports scholarship, and it’s got rules. If I fail one of my subjects, I’ll lose everything. If I’m not even able to play volleyball, then I’m just an average kind of guy in everything else,” he trails off at the end, not liking or wanting to accept what he’s saying but knowing it’s the sad truth of the matter.

It’s silent for a little bit between them, and in the meantime, they arrive through the entrance to the park and start following the walking track. They’re not even a quarter of the way around when Akaashi has found his response, “I can’t agree to that, unfortunately. You are so far from being ordinary, Koutarou, whether you are playing volleyball or not.”

They keep on walking, at a slow but reasonable pace, and Akaashi keeps his eyes on Bokuto as he continues, “You are more than the skills and talent that you have. Your personality, your feelings, and how you see the world. All of it is incredibly rare, and indescribably special. How you view things in life is so admirable, I even become a little envious of you sometimes.”

Bokuto is flabbergasted, completely thrown off by such a response from Akaashi Keiji of all people. Hearing that Akaashi admired him, was envious of him, made his stomach flip over and his heart beat faster. He didn’t know, and often underestimated, the depth of Akaashi’s feelings for him sometimes. So, when they showed themselves so openly like this, Bokuto was often left speechless.

After his short pause, another smile crosses Akaashi’s face, directed straight at Bokuto in all of its shining glory, “Then, that envy is overtaken by a flood of gratitude and gratefulness because I am someone important in your world. And I am so lucky to know you, to be with you like this.”

“Keiji…” he utters softly, noting the redness in Akaashi’s ears as he turns away to look out across the park. They keep walking, but Bokuto feels like he’s floating on solid ground.

“I’ll take a picture, please wait a moment,” Akaashi says abruptly, pulling out his phone and getting the camera to focus on the treetops encroaching on the blue sky. The clouds are white and fluffy, and there’s not too many of them. Bokuto is staring upwards, admiring it, but looks back down when he hears the sound of the camera close to him.

“Akaaashi! You should’ve told me you wanted a photo and I would’ve smiled properly! I wasn’t ready!” Bokuto whined upon realising he had been a victim (again) of Akaashi’s candid photography.

“It’s okay, you look handsome. See?” showing him the photo, Akaashi is smiles and Bokuto has to admit, it does look quite good. That was just Akaashi’s talent coming through, though.

“You have tons of photos of me, but you never let me take any of you,” he continues to sulk, because well, it was true. Akaashi was very particular about pictures of himself, and as a result there was only a few of him that Bokuto had to look at on his phone. He needed to catch Akaashi while he was sleeping or studying intensely one time, but his boyfriend was good at outsmarting him.

Akaashi shrugs as if it can’t be helped, “That’s because Bokuto-san is very photogenic, while I am not. Besides, this is practice for when you’re a professional volleyball player someday. Everyone will want a picture of you.”

“R-Really? You think so? I-I’m not that great, though,” Bokuto stammers, rubbing up the back of his head sheepishly but with a burgeoning smile on his lips.

“What are you saying? Of course, you are. You’re the best, Bokuto-san,” Akaashi says emphatically, and it’s the end for Bokuto who turns into a laughing, smiling mess. He was weak to flattery, it wasn’t his fault! And it wasn’t every day that Akaashi praised him so generously.

Their lunch wasn’t anything special. Just some cheap but filling bentos from the convenience store near the park. Akaashi had proposed they eat their lunch outside on a bench in the nice weather, and Bokuto had jumped at the chance. Then, quicker than Bokuto could counter, a pair of chopsticks appeared over his bento and plucked up the piece of tamagoyaki he had been salvaging to eat at the end. Utter shock overtook his features, and he whipped his head sideways to face Akaashi, who was chewing away the remnants of his precious, sweet, rolled omelette.

_“Aghaaaashiii!_ I was saving that piece of tamagoyaki, give it back!!” Bokuto cried indignantly, even though he knew it was hopeless as he watched Akaashi swallow the last of it before he answered.

Inclining his head repentantly towards Bokuto, he replied with, “My apologies but consider this as payback for you taking some of my chicken every time, both past and future.”

“No fair, I was lookin’ forward to it,” Bokuto started pouting then, poking around at his now bare-looking bento. Sure, he still had meat, but he needed the fluffiness of the egg to balance it all out!

“Please forgive me, Bokuto-san,” Akaashi’s voice beckoned to him, and he glumly swung his head over to look at his boyfriend again, when all too suddenly Akaashi leaned in and kissed his cheek sweetly. When he pulled back, he sent a lovely little smile Bokuto’s way that was absolutely irresistible – _nobody_ could stay mad at Akaashi if he smiled at them like that! 

“Gaahh! How can I stay mad, now!? It’s impossible! You’re too sneaky, ‘kaashi!” Bokuto despaired, a faint pink blush scattered across his cheeks as he tugged at his hair like an annoyed kid.

“I’m afraid I just know you too well,” leaning against him so their shoulders were pressing together, Akaashi places a piece of his chicken in Bokuto’s bento and continues eating from his own as if nothing had happened at all. Bokuto felt his smile grow bigger and leaned back against Akaashi as well as he dove back into his lunch.

Akaashi was trying really hard to cheer him up, seeming pleased whenever Bokuto would smile or laugh. When they finished, Akaashi carried the disposable boxes to the bin, and extended his hand to Bokuto, “Shall we walk around once more before heading off?”

Nodding enthusiastically, Bokuto springs to his feet and grabs hold of Akaashi’s hand immediately. They began to walk back the way they came, the breeze gentle as it ruffled through their hair. _Ahh, it feels nice,_ Bokuto smiles without thinking about it, the sun beaming down on his face and his hand warm entangled with Akaashi’s. 

Everything felt better when he was with Akaashi. Like he could slow down and see all the other things in life, besides all the things that were going wrong. He hoped Akaashi felt the same way when he was with Bokuto! Because he really wanted to be that person for Akaashi too, and it was kinda selfish, but he didn’t want it to be anyone else. Just as Akaashi would be by his side and always support him, Bokuto would do the same without question.

He and Akaashi took the train back to university campus, as that was where they both lived. In different student apartments, unfortunately, but being at the same university was more than enough for them. When they reached the point where they would have to part ways, they stopped and faced each other. Before Bokuto could even think to get a word out, Akaashi seemed to already have something to say and was speaking up first.

“Bokuto-san, I have a few things to give you,” Akaashi said, pulling his hand away so he could rifle through his backpack. Bokuto watches him curiously, and notices Akaashi pulls out a white folder, which he opens up and shows to him, “I’m sorry that I cannot help you directly with your course materials, but I’ve put together these for you, and I think they might help.”

“This is an outline of the general structure and important points to include in an essay. And in this one, I’ve given you a sample report to assist with your report writing. Keeping it simple and to the point is best, and will create a nice flow in your writing,” pointing to the essay and report structure respectively, Akaashi then moves on to the next one, “Here I’ve detailed how our university likes articles to be referenced. In an assignment, referencing correctly can gain you easy marks.”

“You…you did all this for me, ‘kaash?” Bokuto asked, quiet astonishment in his voice as he shuffled through the laminated, coloured information sheets. The text wasn’t too tiny that it would hurt his eyes or make him get bored easily, and the language was simple and direct – like he could hear Akaashi talking him through it on paper.

“It was no trouble. I should have done something like this with you sooner, then maybe you wouldn’t have been left feeling so overwhelmed by everything. The step up from first to second year is slight but it’s certainly a noticeable change,” Akaashi says, his voice empathetic despite how his eyes show that he doesn’t understand it fully, “Even if I haven’t experienced it yet myself, I know that it must be so difficult. That’s why I will be always be here to encourage you when it gets too hard to do it for yourself.”

Feeling his heart quiver with the weight of the emotions building in his chest, Bokuto stares at Akaashi for a moment, admiring his profile in the afternoon sun under one of the cherry blossom trees. Then, he puts the folder carefully inside his own backpack to keep it safe. Once he’s done with that, he moves in closer and wraps his strong arms around Akaashi’s shoulders, hugging him to his chest closely, with his eyes peeking over the top of Bokuto’s shoulder.

“Thank you. I’m really glad I have you, Keiji,” he murmurs lowly, his eyes feeling a little wet, but he blinks the feeling away, squeezing Akaashi just that little bit tighter, “I feel like you always understand me, and you’re always there for me.”

“Of course. Since high school, one of my favourite hobbies was understanding as much as I could about my eccentric senior and captain, the great Bokuto-san,” Akaashi is hugging him back with both arms now, with one of his hands patting between Bokuto’s shoulder blades tenderly.

Then, he pulls back slightly, not breaking the hug but so he can see Bokuto’s face when he says his next words, “I want to do as much as I can for you, so please don’t hide how you feel from me anymore. If you are struggling, you can come to me. I’ll never turn you away or brush you off, Koutarou.”

Inhaling deeply, Bokuto shifts so his hands are now cradling Akaashi’s face, “I really, _really_, love you,” he proclaims, uncaring of the people passing them by or the embarrassing boldness of his actions.

And Akaashi doesn’t seem to mind it either, his hands snaking up to wrap around Bokuto’s, which were still holding his face, “I _really_ love you, too.”

After today, Bokuto felt revitalised. Even if he felt lonely, it wasn’t a bad thing: it was normal, everyone felt that way from time to time. But he could take comfort in the fact he had someone like Akaashi he could lean on to support him through it. Even though Bokuto had known Akaashi was there for him before, he’d still held back, afraid of burdening him with his problems when Akaashi surely had his own. Sometimes, what you think people will say and what they actually end up doing can be so different, it will surprise you. Akaashi wanted all of his feelings, the good and the bad, and Bokuto had never been luckier to have found such a person to stay by his side.


	2. Akaashi's Story

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me mention again (because I reaallly love this song hehe ;D) that the music inspiration for this piece is Soyou & Kwon Jeong Yeol's song – Lean On Me. If you have time, I really recommend you listen to it (and watch the MV if you can with subtitles!) as a lot of the lyrics are included in this fic, and overall it's a very comforting song to hear :)
> 
> Note: Akaashi is 22, in his third year of university, and Bokuto is 23, playing volleyball for Tokyo (only matches within Japan).
> 
> Hope you enjoy the second (and last!) part to this story!

Akaashi left promptly as soon as the lecture was over, walking briskly out of the theatre and not lingering to talk with any of his classmates. They likely wanted to discuss the results of their latest assignment, which had been released last night. 

He didn’t do well in it. Had failed, by two and a half points, 47.5 out of 100. How can lecturers do that? Don’t they know how much it hurts to see how close he was to achieving it, but not close enough? He’d scheduled a meeting for his lecturer in two days’ time, since she was busy until then, and they could discuss his results in person where Akaashi could get some feedback on what to do for his second (and final) attempt at passing it. 

Heading into the convenience store a couple of blocks away from university, Akaashi grabbed a basket and set about shopping. Doing his daily living activities helped distract his mind for a while. He’d been overthinking everything to the point he was very mentally drained, but his brain wouldn’t stop making him think about all the repercussions this would bring. It wasn’t the first thing he’d failed. Mulling over all the mistakes he’d made, all the things he’d left out and thinking that if he’d just added in this or that, it would have made all the difference. 

He drops some instant ramen in his basket, as well as some cup-of-soup packets. His appetite wasn’t the greatest lately, but at least he was still eating. Even if it wasn’t the healthiest, it was all he could manage right now. His phone buzzes, and he checks it by scanning the notifications rather than opening the whole message. It’s a couple of messages from his friends’ group chat asking about possibly organising a study date together. He doesn’t reply, decides to leave it for a bit and come up with an excuse that he can’t make it.

Keiji hates this feeling. Of wanting to be alone, but then getting lonely. Wasn’t it ridiculous? He didn’t want people to see him so defeated, as someone to be pitied over. But he didn’t feel any more relieved when he was by himself. He wanted to see his friends, but he didn’t want to tell them how hard it’s been for him lately. They couldn’t fix it for him, and Keiji doesn’t expect them to. It just felt so isolating, and he felt like he was so out of touch with his life lately. 

Akaashi was not short on people he could talk to. There were his parents, but then he didn’t want to worry them. He knew they worried regardless, something that all parents can’t help but do, but he likes to minimise that worry in any small ways he can. They were aware of what he had failed so far, and always had warm words of encouragement ready to keep him going. It was hard, though, because once he hung up the phone, he was alone again with nothing but his thoughts. Phone calls were a precious thing, but the sad thing was they always had to end. 

_Bokuto…_

He was the one Akaashi always debated about the most. Because he knew even just hearing his voice would help, but he didn’t want to just call him up so suddenly. It was almost certain that Bokuto was busy, because being a full-time volleyball player was a whole other kind of commitment than being a student. Even though he was playing matches within Japan, Bokuto never stayed in one place for too long and when he wasn’t playing matches was undergoing rigorous practice and training camps. Bokuto had graduated university last year, and he had overcome all the difficulties in his way – just as Akaashi had known he would. Now, he was following his dream, and Akaashi was so, so proud of him.

University was...really hard on Akaashi this semester. He’s already failed three assignments in three separate subjects, and if he fails anymore, he’s looking at having to repeat the subjects again next year. Since they were prerequisites to his second semester for this year, he couldn’t progress without first passing the subjects he was currently taking. So, this meant potentially adding an extra year onto his degree and wasting the second half of this year. Failing, even after working as hard as he did, was inexplicably painful. What would he do with himself if he failed? Get himself a part-time job, he supposed, until next year when he could re-enrol in his subjects. How humiliating it would be, he thinks, to imagine himself working part-time whilst his friends continued on to their final year of university. 

After paying for his purchases, Akaashi makes his way outside and over to the nearby bus stop. Even though the way to his apartment (he had moved off campus in his second year) was only about 15-20 minutes, it felt so long on days like this. He sighed heavily, sinking down into a bus seat and rearranging his groceries on his lap. Closing his eyes, he rested his head against the window and tried to let his mind go blank, even if only for a little while.

*

Walking out of his meeting with his lecturer, Akaashi feels more deflated than anything else. Seeing where he went wrong makes him feel stupid, makes him think his lecturer must find him stupid as well because how could he have missed all those things? They were literally taught to him only a few weeks ago.

He’s just so sick of seeing how bad he is at the course he had decided to devote himself to for four years. And, maybe even more, if he has to repeat subjects over and over again. It was so draining to have on his mind all the time, but it just wouldn’t leave him alone.

The one good thing about university this year was that he had earned himself a spot as a starting player on the volleyball team. With their long-time setter having graduated, Akaashi was the next candidate and he grabbed onto the opportunity with both hands. He could never follow the path of a professional career in the sport, not like his amazing boyfriend, but he would keep playing it for the rest of his life as a hobby.

So, Akaashi made his way down to the volleyball team’s gym. Practice wasn’t being held today, but Akaashi felt like practising, even if he was by himself. Rather than focusing on his tosses, today he attempts to work on his spikes. Naturally, as a setter, he didn’t spike the ball all that often. But he had a soft spot where spiking was involved (thanks to a certain someone), and so he likes to practice them even if he’s not very good at it overall.

He’s there for about forty minutes before he thinks he might pack up and leave soon. Normally, he stays longer than this, but his energy levels weren’t all that high today. At least he had made it to the gym even for a little while. It might help kickstart some of his endorphins into doing their job in his body.

Just as he tosses the ball into the air, he hears the gym doors open, but he doesn’t have time to look back. Instead, he jumps up and spikes a fairly accurate straight down the line of the court. Satisfaction sits on his face for a few seconds before he lets it drop and he has both feet on the ground. Before he can turn around to see who arrived, he hears them speak (or yell, rather, in a boisterous tone) first:

“Hey, hey, hey! That spike was awesome! Looks like you were taught by the best, it seems pretty familiar!”

Eyes widening at that voice, _that voice,_ because he would never not be able to recognise that voice and by extension the owner of that voice. But it can’t be. _It’s too good to be true, isn’t it?_ He wasn’t supposed to be back in Tokyo for a few weeks…

“Bokuto-san…” he calls his name as he turns around, and sure enough, there he is. Standing near the doorway of the gym in all his glory, dressed in a casual tracksuit and jersey combo. He looks so wonderful, and so beautifully real, that Akaashi wants to pinch himself just to make sure.

“Did ya miss me, Akaashi?” he asked, walking over closer and closer to him until they were only a few centimetres apart.

_Oh. _He had missed Bokuto more than he’d realised. A lot more. His sudden presence was overwhelming to Keiji, who had been planning on going home and curling up on his couch for a while, trying to block out the rest of the world and go over all his mistakes again and again. 

“Eh, Akaashi? What’s wrong!? Why are you crying?” Bokuto asked, his voice lowered to a proper inside voice as he bent over slightly and placed his hands on Akaashi’s shoulders, concern all over his face.

“Did I interrupt your day and you’re too polite to tell me because I came all this way? I’m sorry! I should have called in first, but I wanted to surprise you,” he says the words in a flurry, rubbing up and down Akaashi’s arms softly and comfortingly, trying to help him calm down.

“No,” Keiji’s voice wobbles, his throat tight from the effort of trying to control his crying, as he looks up at his boyfriend to show his sincerity, “y-you have perfect timing, Bokuto-san.”

Apparently reading between the lines (Bokuto had improved much in doing this since they had gotten together), he pulls Akaashi into a long-awaited, much needed hug, “Guess I really do. Aren’t you glad I’m so perfect at it, ‘kaashi? I’ll always show up just in time to save the day.”

He could tell something was wrong, Akaashi knew. But he wouldn’t push for it right now. That was (one of many) kind things about Bokuto. As intense as he could be, he could be equally as understanding and patient – when he truly wanted or needed to be. How long they stayed like that, Akaashi wasn’t entirely sure, but he didn’t feel the press of time on his mind right now. For once, in so long, he was just appreciating this moment he was in with Bokuto.

When he felt calm enough to face his boyfriend again, he pulled away slightly and Bokuto followed his lead. Akaashi disliked his crying face, but it never seemed to bother Bokuto, who looked at him only with fondness even now: with his eyes and cheeks all red and sticky with tears, and his nose running.

“What’cha doing now?” Bokuto asked in his typical welcoming tone, and Akaashi took a deep breath to compose himself before replying.

“Since my classes are finished, and there was no practice today, I spent some time here by myself. I was about to head home for the day,” he said, wiping under his eyes with the back of his hand.

Humming in agreement, Bokuto nods decisively, “Okay, we’ll go back to your place then after we’ve locked up. I’ll help you! It’s been a while since I’ve seen this place, but I still remember everything,” he beamed, glancing around the gym happily, and Akaashi felt himself mimicking the action, albeit a lot smaller but it was there. 

*

Only a mild change of plans came with Bokuto’s sudden appearance. Instead of curling up on the couch by himself at home, he was nestled against Bokuto’s side, the two of them sharing a thick blanket in the chill of the winter afternoon. And together like that, Akaashi had told him everything up until now that he had been keeping inside.

“Isn’t it a bit pathetic? I studied and performed so well in high school, and in my first few years at university. But the closer it gets to the end, the harder it becomes for me to complete the work to an acceptable standard,” Akaashi questions, the admission of his weakness that had been eating away at him finally floating to the surface for someone else to see. He knew he was his own toughest critic, but he had to be.

“That’s not pathetic,” Bokuto answers, tightening his arm around Akaashi supportively, “not at all! That’s normal. Y’know, that’s how it’s s’posed to be. The walls we have to climb over get higher and higher, pushing us to be better to get over them.”

“And sometimes, we can’t make it over the first time. I know how that feels, I know you’re hurting ‘kaashi,” Bokuto’s voice softens, and Akaashi remembers back to a couple of years ago when Bokuto was struggling with his studies as well, “But you’re just going through the hard part. Picking yourself back up and getting ready to try again. And that’s really awesome! Not everyone can do that, you really have to be super strong to get back up again after being knocked down. Trust me, Akaashi! You’re doing great, okay?”

His eyes had been watering the entire time Bokuto had been talking, but the last sentence is what made him start sobbing again. When was the last time someone had told him that? It was probably his parents, back when he’d failed his last assignment. That was over two weeks ago. Had his thoughts really been so negative since then? Akaashi wasn’t the greatest at giving himself positivity, but he didn’t think he’d neglected himself that badly. 

“I’m just…scared. Failing even after trying my best is so frustrating,” Akaashi said, his voice thick as he tried not to work himself up again. But he owed it to Bokuto to be honest and say what he was really feeling so he could understand: that was what a boyfriend was for, right?

“It’s alright if you feel scared. That means you really want it, right? It shows how much it means to you, so don’t give up. It’s important to you, so keep trying as hard as you can,” Bokuto told him as he wiped away his tears, his gentler side coming through for Akaashi in rare moments like these, “I can’t make you feel not scared, but I’m here for you. So, lean on me, because I’m right here. I understand, Keiji.”

Even if Akaashi tried to tell himself he was doing alright from time to time, having it said out loud was really different. People always said that saying things aloud instead of in your head reinforced them, made it easier to remember and easier to believe. He leaned back into Bokuto, tucking his face into his neck and felt a hand settle on the back of his head tenderly. And Akaashi thinks warmly to himself, _with you I can always take a break._

*

Later in the week, they went grocery shopping together. Bokuto was pushing the trolley, and Keiji was placing all the food items inside it. Food shopping was something he’d often done alone, so doing it together with Bokuto was rare. Something he always did alone, but not this time. Even if it wasn’t going to happen every time, and even though Bokuto would have to leave again soon, he would appreciate this time together in any way he can. 

“Bokuto-san, do you think we have too much meat?” Akaashi said, peering at all the half-priced meats they had in the trolley thus far. Coming on the sale day was Bokuto’s idea, and maybe he was getting too eager about it all.

“No way! Meat’s great, full of lots of protein! You need to eat lots, so you have really high energy! And you can freeze it, so you won’t have to buy it again for a while,” Bokuto explains with vigor, looking pleased with himself as they entered the fresh produce section.

“What about vegetables?”

“They’re not as tasty by themselves...but if we pair them with the meat it’ll be fine! Let’s grab some!” And without haste, Bokuto dives for the tastier vegetables – meaning, he avoided the leafy green ones completely.

“You need to get some greens too, Bokuto-san. Not just carrots and potatoes,” Akaashi chided him, and Bokuto pouted in return.

“Gehh, alright! But, which ones?”

“Beans and capsicum taste good with meat,” Akaashi says, picking up the best-looking capsicums and then bagging up some of the beans as well, “broccoli, too,” he adds, scanning for the best-looking bunch and ending up getting two. 

Eventually, they made their way through the check-out and had three reusable plastic bags full of groceries. Akaashi can’t remember the last time that he bought so much in one go, but he finds he doesn’t mind the dent it makes in his wallet. They walk down the footpath, heading towards the nearest train station.

“Bokuto-san, I can carry a bag too,” he tries to extend his hand out in offering, but Bokuto is quick to move the bags out of his reach.

“Nah, it’s all good. You paid for all this, ‘kaashi, so let me carry them in exchange!” he answers with a bright grin.

Akaashi deadpanned, “That’s because it’s all going into my fridge. I would never make you pay for my groceries, Bokuto-san.”

“Aww, I wouldn’t mind! Besides, you have to carry these heavy bags all by yourself when I’m not around,” the said heavy bags that were noticeably bulging didn’t look so heavy in Bokuto’s arms – clearly all his training was paying off, and _maybe_ Akaashi was a little jealous about it, “So, can’t ya let me do it while I’m here? This is what couples do, y’know! I wanna do things like this for you and be good to you, so let me!”

“Bokuto-san said something embarrassing,” Akaashi mutters, glancing off to the side with pink cheeks whilst Bokuto spluttered beside him. 

_“Aghaaashii! _You’re supposed to say, ‘of course, we are a couple after all’ and smile at me!” Bokuto exclaimed, indignation written all over his face. This was then replaced by a look of realisation, as Bokuto pawed through the bags quickly.

Whatever he was looking for, he didn’t find, and he dropped back his shoulders and wailed skywards, “Aghh, no! I didn’t get both of the desserts!”

“You must have forgotten it in the trolley,” Akaashi remarked, vaguely remembering how busy it had been at the registers so it would make sense that they forgot something.

“There’s only one, what are we gonna do!? I can run back and grab another one!” bright, golden eyes look to him for confirmation, and it’s sweet how sincere Bokuto is even with things like this. He truly would turn around and go back if Akaashi said so.

“It’s okay, we can share it,” Akaashi answered instead, not bothered at not having his own. 

Bokuto frowned, his eyebrows furrowed in doubt, “Really? You sure you don’t mind it, ‘kaashi?”

“Of course, we are a couple after all,” Akaashi says softly, a small smile on his lips as he curls his hand under Bokuto’s arm, holding onto it at the crook of his elbow and leaning against him gently. 

“Yeah! That’s right! We are!” back to grinning again, Bokuto starts talking about what they’re going to cook for dinner, and Akaashi feels the way home has never felt so short and so worthwhile in…well, in a long time.

*

Those two weeks he spent with Bokuto went by so fast, but time always did speed up whenever Bokuto came home. They always said goodbye at Keiji’s apartment. Public displays of affection were practically unheard of in Japanese airports, and Bokuto said that if Akaashi came with him to the airport it made it harder for him to leave. 

_‘If we say goodbye here, it’s like I’m just goin’ out for melon bread or somethin’ and I’ll be back soon! It’s better if we think of it like that!’ _

As silly as it sounded, Keiji could understand that, and he was grateful for Bokuto’s consideration of both their feelings. To make it seem like they would see each other again very soon, even if that wasn’t always the case. Like right now. For two months, they would be apart. It doesn’t seem that long, but time moves differently wherever Bokuto was concerned. They never had enough time, always running out of hours to be together. 

“And Akaashi,” Bokuto frames his face in his hands, their eyes staring deep into each other’s as Bokuto prepares to make his departure, “you gotta tell me how it all turns out for your subjects. Even if it doesn’t turn out good, you can still tell me. I’ll never be disappointed in you since I know you always give your best 120% every time!! So, don’t keep it tucked inside, okay?”

Tears gather in his eyes, and he nods. Bokuto is right, he knows that, but it’s hard to make himself believe his words sometimes. Just knowing he has him to lean on, though, makes the heavy weights lying on Keiji’s shoulders lighten a little. As he finished that thought, Bokuto made a strangled sound and suddenly tugged him into a tight embrace. 

“Nooo! If you look so sad like that, I won’t be able to leave you,” Bokuto despairs, hugging Keiji tighter and nuzzling into his neck. 

“I’m alright,” Keiji assures, because he doesn’t want to send Bokuto off with his useless tears. Taking in a deep breath, he turns his face up to look at Bokuto, “I will miss you, is all.”

_“AGHAAASSHHIII!!”_ Bokuto wailed, full of despair as he hauls Akaashi back in close again, squeezing him tighter, “I’ll miss you more!”

Keiji gives a little laugh at the passionate proclamation, his tears drying up. He sniffs, resting his cheek on Bokuto’s shoulder. 

“Thank you, Koutarou,” he says the words softly, meaningfully, “I love you very much.”

“I love you waaay more,” is Bokuto’s response, swaying them from side to side gently.

“Again?” Akaashi sighed, as if he were annoyed but in reality, he can’t stop his mouth from smiling. If it wasn’t Bokuto saying this, then it would be Akaashi. Always debating about who loved the other more – and yes, it was tooth-decaying levels of sweet sappiness, but they had long passed the point of caring about that.

“Again, and again, until you get it into your head that I mean it,” Bokuto says those words, and they sound like they’re meant for more than just this silly game of theirs. This man would never stop being there for him, never stop illuminating his life so brightly it dazzles his eyes sometimes.

Resting his hands on that strong back, Akaashi closes his eyes and breathing in slow and deep, “I know you do.”

“Good.”

Life was hard for everyone, Keiji needed to keep reminding himself. Everyone has a hard life, even if it doesn’t look that way from the outside. Yet, even when people were struggling right in front of you, they might never show it. What mattered was finding someone, even if it was only one person, that you could confide in and lean on during those times. Someone who wouldn’t judge you regardless of the circumstances. And Keiji fully believed that he had found this in Bokuto. And he honestly hoped more than anything that Bokuto found the same thing in him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave me a comment if you liked this story, even if it's only a few words - it can make all the difference :) kinda made me a bit sad to see there was no feedback on the last chapter ;_; if you have something to say, anything at all, I'll be happy to hear it ^_^
> 
> Thank you for reading!
> 
> \- Hime ♡♡♡

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you very much if you read all the way until the end! Please leave a kudos and comment if you enjoyed this story and tell me what you liked (or what could be better!) because I LOVE hearing from my readers the most ♡´･ᴗ･`♡ next chapter will focus on Akaashi's Story, so I hope you can look forward to that! Until next time lovelies xx


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